A Breakthrough Way to Change Someone’s Mind: The Ramen Theory

If you've ever wanted to change someone's mind, this article is for you. This is the famous "Ramen Theory," a legendary concept in its field for over a decade.

For those curious about the "Psychology of Reconciliation" that can solve all your relationship troubles, read on. This article contains a formula for making your ex want you back and for rebuilding a relationship after a breakup.

The Ramen Theory

Imagine the owner of a failing ramen shop who desperately wants to save their business. Now, imagine someone who has just been through a breakup and has tried, and failed, to win their ex back.

What do these two people have in common? Can you guess?

The answer is: "They both want to change someone's mind."

Today's column is about the psychology behind how to do just that. In the past, this was an exclusive article that was difficult to access, but I'm now making it available for free. Not everyone has the patience or insight to fully grasp these ideas. But if your curiosity has brought you this far, I believe you are smart enough to understand it all.

Is it theoretically possible to win someone's heart? Is there some kind of principle or formula for it?

Think about it: some people are just naturally likable and know how to win others over, while many people struggle with being disliked. You might have a conventionally attractive friend who people tend to avoid, and another friend who is more average-looking but is universally loved.

Some people seem to win others over with ease. Even when they have conflicts, they resolve them smoothly.

There is definitely a formula at play.

What if you could identify the common traits of these people and apply them yourself? That would become your "principle for changing minds," your formula.

It may not be as grand as a mathematical equation, but it's hard to deny that love, too, has its own theories and principles.

Does that idea make you uncomfortable?

If so, you're normal. Humans are programmed to resist the idea of breaking down something as noble as love into a mere theory. Feeling a sense of rejection is natural.

In any case, how can you change someone's mind?

• "Will my true feelings be enough?"

• "Should I plan a grand romantic gesture?"

• "Will writing a heartfelt confession letter work?"

• "Or should I hire one of those expensive services that promise to get my ex back?"

Please, don't get scammed.

This column will be the most definitive answer to the questions above. It contains the fundamental knowledge you need to understand how to change a person's mind. I believe this principle applies not just to getting back together after a breakup, but to everything in life—business, relationships, and even your own happiness.

This is also the most frequently cited column when I explain my "Frame Theory," and the one most often chosen as the best by my clients.

Why do people break up after promising to love each other? Why do people's feelings change?

Let me share an interesting story.

Near my home, there used to be a fantastic Japanese ramen shop with truly excellent noodles and broth. I was a regular there for several years.

Recently, I went back to that ramen shop.

The ramen was, to put it bluntly, terrible. The place was nearly empty. It used to be quite famous, and I couldn't figure out what went wrong. Maybe the chef had changed.

I went back again a month later, and it was still bad. I made a mental note: "I'm never coming back here again."

A week after that, I saw the owner handing out flyers. I took one, but felt no emotional stir whatsoever.

Now, let me ask you this: if the owner of this shop saw me, handed me a flyer, and begged me to please, please come back, would I go?

Out of politeness, I might go once. But it would be a forced visit, an act of courtesy, not because I genuinely wanted to eat there. My heart wouldn't have been moved, and those obligatory footsteps would soon cease altogether.

The ramen shop owner might complain:

"I've worked so hard to perfect this ramen... The people in this neighborhood are so clueless. Just come and try it! You won't? Fine, then don't! I stand by my craft! My ramen, made with all my heart, is the best!"

Now, what if this owner starts texting, messaging, and calling me, asking, "Why haven't you come by?" I would start to get annoyed. If the contact continued, I would move past annoyance and into a state of disgust. I might even block their number.

Does this sound familiar?

This is exactly what happens during a breakup.

Q: After a breakup, what emotional effect do asking to "just get a meal," pouring out your sincere feelings, or making dozens of phone calls have on your ex? A: It creates a state of disgust.

Q: Why do grand gestures, heartfelt letters, or public displays of affection often ruin the chances of getting back together? A: Because they are attempts to connect without first raising your value.

If you approach someone without increasing your "value," they will reject you because they are already convinced that "the ramen tastes bad" and see no reason to try it again.

In our terminology, we call this failing to raise your "Objective Frame."

Why did your ex break up with you? Initially, they felt an attraction to you; they perceived your value. Perhaps you seemed diligent, kind-hearted, attractive, or had a promising future. Those qualities made them develop feelings for you and fall in love.

But as the relationship went on, they became disappointed. In other words, you lost your value. The reasons could be numerous: you fought too often, had a bad temper, were lazy, let yourself go physically, had no plans for the future, lacked intelligence, showed no leadership, weren't assertive enough, or only ever wore sweatpants. The list is endless.

Your partner loved you because you possessed "lovable value."

When that value was lost, their feelings cooled, and they ended the relationship. Or, they left you for someone else.

For your ex to decide to get back together, one thing is essential:

The recovery of your value.

Without this recovery of value, any begging, sincere letters, or grand gestures will only make them feel burdened.

They will likely think:

"This person doesn't even know what their problem is and is just acting on emotion. What a pathetic sight... There's a 0% chance they'll ever change. They're still selfishly pushing their own feelings without any consideration for mine..."

And with that thought, their heart grows even colder.

If they saw even a glimmer of potential for change, they might reconsider. But when they see you failing to even recognize your own faults, they lose all hope.

This is the same as the owner of the now-terrible ramen shop shouting at the empty seats: "These pathetic customers don't even recognize the value of this ramen!"

What would the customers think?

"The owner doesn't even realize the taste is the problem. That means the ramen will be like this forever. There's no hope for improvement."

And they will never go back.

By now, the smart readers among you will understand why simply "showing your true feelings" or "begging" can make the situation worse.

Now, let me give you the real answer.

To Change Someone's Mind, What Should You Do?

If the owner of the ramen shop were smart, what would they do after all the regulars have left? If I were that owner, I would use a few methods to win back their hearts.

1. Create Distance and Time.

2. Stage a Line of Customers.

3. Remodel the Shop.

4. Actually Make the Ramen Delicious Again.

5. Showcase Social Proof.

Let's look at these in detail.

1. Create Distance and Time

Put a sign on the door: "Closed for the next 3 months. I am traveling to Japan to train under the country's top ramen master to learn his secrets."

Then, advertise with a new slogan: "After three months away, I will unveil a new ramen, crafted with a secret recipe passed down from Japan's greatest ramen master!"

This makes people think, "Hmm? If they learned a secret recipe, it must taste better now. I'm a little skeptical, but maybe I'll give it a try when I get the chance."

The firm decision of "I'm never going back" starts to soften.

In breakups, this is known as the "no-contact period." However, before you start this period, you must signal that you are committed to changing. Simply begging for a month and then giving up and going silent is meaningless. For the ramen shop, just closing for a month would do nothing. The no-contact period is meaningful because the owner announced they were leaving to train with a master.

2. Stage a Line of Customers

Hire friends, family, or even actors to create a long line outside the ramen shop.

People who were disappointed before will see this and think, "Huh? Did the taste change?" or "Wow, it's so popular now. It used to be empty..."

This creates the expectation of change and gives them a reason to give it one more try.

Consider a man who was always needy and got dumped. His ex thinks he has no other options and that he'll never meet anyone else without her. Then one day, she sees a photo of him on a date with someone even more attractive than her. She might feel a surge of anger and think, "I'll never get back with him!" but she won't be able to stop thinking about him.

3. Remodel the Shop

Change the atmosphere by remodeling the interior.

For old customers, the mere sight of the shop's entrance can trigger the memory of "that bad-tasting ramen." The old memories might ruin their appetite. But if the place is remodeled, they're more likely to think, "Well, at least something must have changed," which builds anticipation.

Consider a woman whose boyfriend broke up with her because she was always pessimistic and gloomy. One day, the ex-boyfriend sees a new photo of her, and she's smiling a genuinely happy, radiant smile. He might think, "Maybe she's doing a little better now...?" This creates a small but significant shift in his feelings.

4. Actually Make the Ramen Delicious Again

This is the most crucial step: you must genuinely improve the core product. The ramen has to be undeniably delicious.

The same goes for getting back together. If you manage to meet up after a breakup, but your old habits, stubbornness, and negative traits are still there, your ex will have no desire to reconcile.

Imagine a man feels his ex-girlfriend has truly changed, so he agrees to have dinner with her three months after the breakup. But during the meal, he sees that she hasn't changed at all—she's still confrontational and proud. He realizes nothing is different, and his desire to get back together vanishes.

5. Showcase Social Proof

Create the impression that the restaurant is acclaimed by experts. Put up signed photos, videos, or endorsements from renowned celebrity chefs.

Of course, this can't just be for show. The ramen must actually be good enough to earn that praise. The same is true for reconciling after a breakup. You can't just "act" like you've changed or rely solely on a single, well-crafted "strategy text." You must genuinely recognize your flaws, master the theory of attraction, and become a truly more appealing person.

What have you learned from the methods above? I'd like to conclude with this:

A person's mind can be changed. It is not an immovable object.

It can be changed. But you must communicate your "value" effectively.

If you've been through a breakup, you need to clearly analyze the cause and use the correct methods to address it. If a ramen shop is failing because of rude service, but the owner obsesses only over the taste, the shop is doomed to fail.

Relationships are the same. If you are in a situation that calls for showing your sincere heart, but you think, "I've been too much of a pushover, I need to play hard-to-get," you will obviously make the relationship worse.

This is why analysis is just as important—if not more important—than the specific strategy you use.

When you want to get back together after a breakup, there are four rules:

1. Analyze the situation.

2. Advertise your change.

3. Plan your approach.

4. Genuinely change yourself.

If you were the one who was broken up with, there is always a reason. Simply blaming and cursing your ex will lead to no personal growth. Your partner decided that you were no longer attractive or that you weren't suitable for a long-term future together.

Therefore, instead of blindly handing out flyers like the desperate ramen shop owner, you must change your ex's mind through a proper "demonstration of value."

Stop begging, and start thinking calmly. This column and the success stories of others have already given you many of the answers.